Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Galactic Outiftters Sale: Blank Dr0ids!

Well howdy partner! I see you've got some heapin' heavy cargo to carry there--why not give yourself a hand--or hydraulic claw--with these here off-market BLANK DROIDS! Customize your robot to suit your needs. Paint them any color you like--they don't care, they're made to serve you.


Vintage collectible, not for sale.
A blank dr0id is a fully functional, robotic compadre who arrives to you in unformatted, as-is condition and with absolutely NO persona! That's right, you get to build 'em from the ground up. We have three different chassis to choose from complete with all the parts you need to get started.*

Yessiree, right here we have the top-of-the-line model with ALL the fixins...

iPal  by GRAN-E Zmith Industries (high-end model)


Looking for soulless minions to decimate your enemies or cuddly caretakers for your little ones? Take a gander at these bells and whistles...

AC: 14
HP: 30
Move: 5, but servo upgrades at 100 cr can increase this to 8
Programs: 6 to start, see below for expansion capability.

Can take up to 20 programmable skills for 100 cr each. iPals learn on their own at the regular PC rate (see XP advancement in X-plorers manual). Translating alien languages is INCLUDED (doesn't require a program slot).

Self-powered through a patented Kinet-O-Drive that recharges internal batteries with every step. These babies never run down! The outer shell casing is devoid of any buttons because that would look ridiculous! Attentive, personally rewarding personalities develop from the moment of imprint.

iPals are highly regarded among technophiles and high-falutin' members of society. They give their owners a Presence (PRE) or Charisma bonus of 1d6 when encountering these individuals and the droid is present.

Programming can be downloaded instantly, via wireless connection.

SUGGESTED MANUFACTURER PRICE: 3,500 cr / YOUR PRICE TODAY: 3,500 cr (Unfortantely, they're never on sale, but if you ask nicely we'll give you a knit body sock to keep bot cozy when not in use).

Lookin' to tinker some, but not lookin' for nuthin' fancy?

GATES Series 95 (mid-grade model)


If your looking for something a little more affordable, you'd be dumber than a Martian cactus to pass up this model. Probably the most widely used blank on the market. A good fit for anyone looking for making the most of their hard-earned space credits.

AC: 12
HP: 20
Move: 5 (4 if stowage is full to capacity)
Programs: 4 to start, see below for expansion capability.

Can take up to 10 programmable skills for 100 cr each. 95s learn at the regular PC rate (see XP advancement in X-plorers manual). Translating alien languages requires using a program slot. Rarely acts up, but on occasion, you'll need to reboot (1 round) to get it going again. Needs to be recharged between missions. Personalities develop over multiple encounters and tend to be cantankerous.

Speaking of "tanks", all 95s come with an internal storage compartment of 45 kilograms allowing for stowage of nearly any substance (solid, liquid, or gas). Radiation shielded for your protection, air holes not provided.

Programming can be downloaded via high-broadband connection instantly or for an extra 50 cr you can invest in a head-mounted, wireless connection that takes 1d4 rounds to process new updates.

SUGGESTED MANUFACTURER PRICE: 3,000 cr / YOUR PRICE TODAY: 2,700 cr with free 4GB flash drive!

What's that? You're really looking to economize? Well then, I have just what you need...

COMMODR0NE 6-D4 (low-end model)


The 6-D4s are really an incredible value! They're not the most sophisticated models, but....did we mention they're cheap? Sure, some folks call 'em "Bland" Dr0ids" and such* but they're reliable work horse-type system.

AC: 10
HP: 15
Move: 4
Programs: 0 to start, see below for expansion capability.

6-D4s braindrives are decidedly bare bones. Personalities tend to grow slowly, but given time it's sure to develop those quirks you've grown to love in members of your own awkward, immediate family. Requires an extra battery pack (50 cr) that lasts for 2d20 -5 rounds.

Voice chip not included, responds with electronic whorls and whoops. Also includes a "reasoning alarm signal" (red light on top) so you know when orders are being understood received.

Skill programs are swapable care of these snazzy pre-programmed cartridges you just plug in the back of its skull bucket. Skills improve only with better program carts.
Emergency Medicine

Not recommended.

You can only use at total of five at a time and sometimes you hafta blow on 'em to get 'em to seat properly (1d20 chance of Cart Mishap whenever a command is given; see below) but you can swap out skills in a snap! (No waiting for skills to upload, though you do need to do it manually).

Another great feature of the 6-D4s is that many of their limbs and other parts are standardized with regular household and shipboard items. So if you're missing something important, you can easily "upgrade" with whatever's in sight (e.g., Phillips head screwdrivers, coffee mugs, staple guns, office chair casters, etc.). No space duct tape needed!


Cart Mishap Table (1d20)
  • 1-5: No mishap
  • 6-11: PC LOAD LETTER - Program shorts brain circuitry, Blank Dr0id shuts down completely for 1d4 rounds, reboot takes another 1d4 rounds
  • 12-16: OVERLOAD! Skill performed at twice efficiency (double "to hit") but bot then inoperable for following round
  • 17-18: Please wait....loading....loading.................loading..... (1d6 rounds)
  • 19: Cartridge becomes dislodged, glitch ensues and robot behaves erratically until problem is discovered
  • 20: Cartridge sparking causes it to permanently fuse into socket! This skill becomes basis for 'bots personality over time
*This is a lie. You have a 1d10 chance of missing something important for high-end and mid-grade kits. Low-end kits ALWAYS have something missing, roll on the first 1d6 below.
  • 1 - Ocular or auditory sensors (GM's choice)
  • 2 - Left or right forelimb (GM's choice)
  • 3 - Left or right locomotive limb (GM's choice)
  • 4 - Torso cowling
  • 5 - Head casing
  • 6 - Restraining bolt to keep bot from running off in 1d6 rounds, if bot is not recovered by end of game session, GM has the option to reclaim it as a homicidal assassin droid for future game, that now hunts former owner for poorly devised revenge scheme
  • 7-10 - No missing pieces (whew!) 
These items are provided in accordance with SSA.2436 guidelines regulating spacefaring settlement and defense. Programming unformatted robots with untested software may result in robot revolt, death, or void in warranty. Some robotic components may be refurbished, including positronic neural systems purchased from outer-rim prison worlds. Not all memory drives may have been 100% reformatted. Amalgamated Consumer Mercantile Exchange Company is indemnified in such cases at purchase signing. Attorneys for Amalgamated Consumer Mercantile Exchange Company highly recommens buyers purchase Lifetime Automaton Insurance Coverage to protect from robotic failure liability.

NOTE: This post assumes familiarity with X-plorers ruleset, but can be converted easily to other games.

Inspiration: This article and this episode of Futurama, iRobot, Venture Bros. and any home computer system from the 1980s or 90s.

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