You really shouldn't have eaten that expired mutagen tablet...

1d20 of Ick:

1. Eye tendrils, flailing all the time
2. Back scales (2"-3"), itchy and molting
3. Constant wheezing from your new, tiny "throat mouth"
4. Sideburns, running down neck, shoulders, ending at wrists (hopefully)
5. A slippery ooze between extremities that won't go away, even with washing
6. Extra teeth! Between your toes...
7. Shoulders begin to bubble and swell into large sacks of leaky, too-sweet smelling fluid
8. "Everything is normal!" say the tiny faces that appear where your kneecaps used to be
9. Iguanna tail sprouts, greens up nicely, turns brown and dies...on an endless cycle
10. Roll twice on this table, if you get #20 both times, you lucked out--no mutation!
11. Knees now bend the other direction, walk like a chicken (add +2 to your move if you roleplay a headbob for the rest of the session)
12. The person on your left gets to pick any two from this list for you
13. Heel hooves! Which are hooves. On your heels.
14. Fancy colored fish fins line your cranium and spine; also, constant dry mouth for some reason
15. Polydactyly protrusions overcome hands, constantly wiggling
16. Gurgling a pungent slime when attempting to make persuasive arguments
17. Narwhal tusk! You know that's a tooth that protrudes through your face, right? 
18. An ankylosaurus tail bursts out the back of your pants---pray you have the abs, back, and calf muscles to counter the added mass
19. Pheromone firestorm gives you a massive +5 Charisma bonus, any NPCs you encounter follow you around for 1d10 rounds
20. All of the above (you poor bastard!)

Happy Halloween!

HERCULOIDS COMING TO DVD JUNE 14!!!

So this is really happening! HERCULOIDS ON DVD PEOPLE! Laser dragons! Rock Apes! Rhinoceratopses! Slingshot wielding barbarians! Shape-shifting shmooes! Because the world needs more science fantasy cartoons filled with Alex Toth designed characters.

Pre-order the complete series or order on Tuesday, June 14!! Relevant promotional copy from Warner Bros.:

Somewhere out in deep space – and out of the creative imagination of the animation aces of Hanna-Barbera Studios – live the Herculoids. Humanoid Zandor, along with his wife Tara and son Dorno, lead a group of unique creatures: Zok the flying dragon, powerful simian Igoo (who possesses rock-like skin), rhinoceros hybrid Tundro and two protoplasmic wonders appropriately named Gloop and Gleep. Together, they use their diverse super strengths to defend their utopian planet against attack from such sinister invaders as the Pod Creatures, the Reptons and the Mutoids. For all-family entertainment, this 18-Episode, 2-Disc Collection of The Herculoid: The Complete Original Animated Series is out of this world, literally.

It's a "manufacture-on-demand" set from WB, which, kinda stinks because the price is set firmly at $29 without extras. The upside though is clean prints of the entire series. Frankly, this is the only way you're gonna get an official set. So don't go out for lunch this pay period and you can stop watching crappy Boomerang uploads on YouTube or (ahem) those other DVDs you came across...



Relevant Herculoids awesomeness:

• AD&D Herculoids write-ups
• Herculoids for the uninitiated (seriously, how could you not know?)
• Pick up Thundarr too, if you don't already have it!

/so awesome, it's getting re-posted on Gamma World War and Spellcard.

Vintage Mars Attacks Card Scans!

If there's a patient zero in post-modern America that fed the "gamma strain" into the pop culture mileu, the Mars Attacks collectible cards are a prime suspect.

Here's a few juicy scans posted on Flickr (hat tip to Boing Boing, BTW) of the set, as released in the 60s. They were, of course, the guiding inspiration behind Tim Burton's 1996 film.

Enjoy!

Peek inside that Gamma World 4E Box

Go on. You know you want to. You're curious like all the rest. Yeah, it's 4E.

But still.... 

I'm not posting pics here because Robot Viking is the superspy in this story.

Geek Cinema: Spaceships and Mutants: Two Nights of Cheese-tastic Joy!

Next week is going to be a blast because I'm venturing out into the cine-verse to see two wonderfully over-imaginated / under-funded sci-fi flicks. The first is DESTINATION: OUTER SPACE, (I feel like that title should always be in caps), a locally produced send-up of schlocky sci-fi from a bygone age.




From the film's website:

During a test flight of Earth's first faster-than-light-speed rocket, an incident occurs that throws test pilot Captain Mike Jackson (originally introduced in 2008's "Cave Women on Mars") halfway across the galaxy! Lost in deep space, Captain Jackson must use all his wits and derring-do to find a way back to his beloved home world. A film unlike any other, "Destination: Outer Space" is full of excitement and otherworldly adventure that includes mysterious alien planets, robotic lifeforms, beautiful space pirates, alien creatures hell-bent on galactic domination and much, much more!

So there you go--it's got everything a geek could want! If you're local, the film premiere's at the Heights Theater on Tuesday, May 25, at 6:30 p.m.


Next on the film-going agenda....
Is a film I've neither seen nor heard of before. And I can't. Freakin. Wait.

The movie is Italian, but the poster in Spanish was the raddest.

It's called 2019 After the Fall of New York, but based on the poster and the trailer below, they should just re-title this: Mutant Future: The Movie.



From IMDB:

After a nuclear war, society breaks down into two groups, the evil Euraks and the rebel Federation. A mercenary named Parsifal is hired by the Federation to infiltrate New York City, which is controlled by the Euraks, to rescue the only fertile woman left on Earth.

The film is apparently in both English and Italian, (it's original title is Dopo la caduta di New York, just to make things more confusing). Here's the original poster, which is obviously, also totally bitchin.

This one's showing at the Trylon Microcinema, which has quickly become my favorite new theater--you might recall my posts on their Ray Harryhausen series a few months back. Anyway, this new series titled "Trash Film Debauchery," (seriously, is there any wonder why I love the Trylon so?) is all about cheesy sci-fi from the 80s, and the moment I read the synopsis for 2019 I was hooked.

2019 is showing the very next night on Wednesday, May 26, at 7:00 p.m. If you see a grown man hopping up and down and giggling like a tribble on ecstasy, feel free to say "hi", but for your own safety you may want to keep a healthy distance!