TEASER TRAILER: STAR WARS THE FORCE AWAKENS!

Yup. If you live on planet Earth, you've seen this. You've read a million blog and/or news site breakdowns. You've ogled the frame-by-frame analysis.

So it's here if you want to see it again. And know that, yes, I enjoyed it immensely. It's a teaser, not a full trailer and it got my pulse going, which is all I care about.

A quick rebuttal on some of the naysayings orbiting the ugly side of the holonet:


1. Black stormtroopers

Seriously? This is a complaint? Here's a quick pic of the first stormtrooper:

C'mon, even clone troopers have better aim than some of those misguided pot shots.

...dude's a Maori badass. Not Caucasian. They made hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of him. How many precedents does one need to rebuff poorly thought out racism? (The answer is "zero.")


2. "Disneyfied" droids

Disney is even more insidious than you think. They made a time machine and cutsied up the wookies:

If you're 40+ years old (like me) and you even flinched when you saw cute lil' soccer-deetoo then you're having a serious "senior" moment. By now everyone knows that Lucas had intended the Battle of Endor to take place on the wookie homeworld. But somewhere between spiraling production costs and the Flanneled One having kids of his own, wookies went through the dryer and we ended up taking out the Empire with rocks and sticks.

And for those of you who grew up with the prequels, you've got even deeper Disneyfication issues to deal with, so I'm sure a rolling droid isn't going to derail your therapy any further. You have zero ground on which to protest.


3. Lightsaber crossbar

As soon as you manufacture your own handheld, self-contained, physics-defying plasma sword that doesn't require a containment tip at the end of the blade, you can complain about this. As far as plot points go, well, I think there may yet be justification for one:


"Obiwan never told you---you're supposed to have a crossbar on that thing!"

If it's still too much to handle (ha!) let this be a balm to your anxiety over lightsaber practicality:

If it's called the "protosaber" now, what did they call it back then?

Imagine getting a kink in your lightsaber power cord in the middle of a riposte. How embarrassing! "That guy just tried to run me through with his flashlight and an extension cord!"

Almost makes carrying a car battery on your back into swordplay worth it for the comedic effect. Hey, maybe the Ghostbusters are hiring?

UPDATE: Stephen Colbert has the definitive take on the lightsaber debate of 2014. "Amateur hour is OVER."

4. Yeah but...

RELAX. It's a space opera fantasy. It's all good. Remember that time, earlier this year, when you paid real cash money to go see a rascally raccoon with a machine gun and a talking tree? I heard that worked out just fine.


5. The Force is strong with this episode

Just to make sure we're still friendsies and such, here's a bonus video of that time Georgie totally asked his pal Mark if he'd be up for playing Luke in episode 7. Lucas postulated it would be out in 2011, so he was only off by 3 years!

We've been promised much less reliance on computer graphics, and Lucas has stepped back in an emeritus role. There are a lot of people working really hard to make sure you're not disappointed. So let's give them the benefit of the doubt. Search out with your feelings because...

 

STAR WARS IS BACK, BABY!