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Monday, November 8, 2010

Obi Wan Kenobi: Idiot!

Warning: following is a rant by an unabashed Star Wars fanboy.

Okay, so I'm working on a few projects with the tube on in the background--Star Wars Attack of the Clones is on Spike (Surprise!). The film is fine, it's not my favorite of the series, but it's passable while I'm working.

In truth I've seen it many times (we own both trilogies) but tonight I came to a realization--Obi Wan Kenobi is the galaxy's worst investigative jedi.

"I don't know why I'm still watching--the prequels don't even get interesting 'till half-way through the last one!"
He spends the better part of the film tracking Jango Fett--a mysterious and obvious miscreant-- from Coruscant, to Kamino, and finally to Geonosis. On Kamino (rainy planet) he learns that Fett is used as the template for an army of clones that the Republic will be footing the bill for. He witnesses them being trained by the thousands, firsthand. He even HAS A CONVERSATION WITH HIM and Fett tells asks him "Do you like your army?" You know--the same army that HE'LL BE FIGHTING LATER ON.

Shortly after their odd staring competition, they fight. Fett escapes, but Kenobi pursues him to the rocky planet Geonosis where the enemies of the Republic are building a droid army. Again, he sees firsthand, the enemy droids being assembled by the thousands. You'd think it might occur to him that, "Oh that's weird, we just left one army-building facility...look, here's another!" All without asking why the human template for the clones is working for the bad guys. Jedi are apparently oblivious when it comes to corporate conflict of interest on a galactic level.

"Yeah we've got matching pajamas/bath robes too, but full dental? I knew we were getting screwed!"
Let me repeat that: HE FOLLOWS THE SAME GUY FROM ONE TOP SECRET MILITARY FACILITY TO THE ENEMY'S TOP SECRET MILITARY FACILITY AND SEES NO PROBLEM WITH THAT.

It would be like following Dogg the Bounty Hunter from the marine base at Quantico and trailing him straight to an Al Qaeda training camp in Afghanistan where he happens to stroll right in without incident--and the whole time never raising one iota of suspicion.

Later, Fett confirms he's working for the separatists when he STANDS NEXT TO DOOKU (Osama Bin Laden?) AS THEY FIGHT THE JEDI. This pretty much cements the connection between the two facilities. Hundreds of Jedi witness this, including members of the Jedi Council. Nobody in the Jedi Order seems to care because they collect on the pre-ordered clones (hello? Human trafficking!) and think nothing of it. Naturally, all are completely surprised when their troops turn out to be duds and start killing good guys in the sequel.

All the while--no one wonders if both sides might actually be working for the bad guys.

More proof that the Republic skimps on dental coverage.
So, a few questions:

1. Aren't jedis, like, the wisest, most perceptive people in the galaxy?
2. Wouldn't any of this raise a red flag with the Jedi Council--Obi wan keeps them up to date via holo-phone after all?
3. IS EVERYONE IN THE GALAXY STUPID?

It all starts with Obi Wan Kenobi, the densest, least perceptive person in the universe.

Again, I don't expect much from AotC, but seriously.

SERIOUSLY.

/end rant

9 comments:

  1. I sort of runs a little like a not very inspired roleplaying game, yes. Me, I've just disbelieved the prequels. It started with the whiny brat in PM, and went down hill from there.

    But the point you raise is a good one.

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  2. Oh my God, I can't believe I didn't see that (but then I don't have jedi training... or perhaps I do!) Now you point it out that's a major flaw - thanks for that ;)

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  3. Yes, it makes no sense. I still maintain that TPM is the worst of the series, though. While it actaully makes more sense than the other two narratively (somewhat), it is so boring not even light can escape it.

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  4. Newsflash. The Prequels Sucked.

    There are so many things wrong with each film, from storytelling elements to plot holes to inconsitancies with the original story that its hard for me to even believe they were made.

    Terrible, shoddy work.

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  5. Yes, it's true, picking on the prequels almost seems mean doesn't it? Like a kid who can't defend himself. But still, it irks me that a major plot hole basically undermines one of the franchise's best characters.

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  6. Well, in Obi Wan's defense, he was written by George Lucas, a man who writes so terribly that laws should be passed against his ever being allowed to write anything, ever.

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  7. In Georgie's defense, he's gone on the record several times saying he "hates writing". Of course, that's the best argument yet to HIRE SOMEONE who doesn't hate it.

    /sigh

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  8. Too bad he couldn't get his ex-wife to write these ones as well. ;-)

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  9. Or Alan Dean Foster.

    Or Lawrence Kasdan and Leigh Brackett.

    Or Lawrence Kasdan solo.

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